Overcoming Barriers

Me

Looking back on earlier years in life.  I’ve made mistakes, overcome fears and grown to love myself unconditionally!  This is not an easy journey!  I’m still traveling and learning more about myself and others every day.  I now understand “Happiness is a journey not a destination,” Ben Sweetland.  Losing my virginity at 14 was chaotic but sweet. I was involved in a relationship with a handsome, charismatic, funny guy.  One day he was punched in the eye, defending my honor.  That day I went over to comfort and thank him.    Mid losing my virginity I asked him to stop but he held his ground and continued.  I could have screamed or pushed him off, but I felt I owed him for putting himself on the line, being battered. This scar followed me for 6 years in our relationship!  I never confronted him about it.  I acted as though it never bothered me.

At the age of 15, one year into our relationship, I took a pregnancy test.  It came out positive!  I was in shock! I sat in the bathroom of my moms 2 bedroom Brooklyn apartment and cried.  Holding this priceless information I called him.  He reacted with disgust and hatred towards the growing fetus in my stomach.  He threatened to physically attack me so I could lose the baby and accused me of sleeping around. Though it bothered me I never allowed my self to enter hell’s pit with him by pointing the finger or adding negativity to fuel the fire.  Instead I looked at it from his perspective.  Yes, we’re teens, emotional, unstable, still in school, no financial stability.  We we’re basically unfit to raise a child but born she would be, no matter the circumstances. I made my decision without anyones consent!

My Cutie

One day while in class I dashed to the bathroom.  Have you ever had to take a number 2 and  vomit at the same time?  I suffered these symptoms all through my pregnancy including black outs.  Once teachers and my guidance counselor found out I was pregnant.  They offered a school program for pregnant teens.  They said I would be a distraction and needed to be placed somewhere else.  I stood my ground with my mother by my side and fought to stay in my current high school. For 5 months I walked to school and back by myself.   My boyfriend and friends decided to stop talking to me because I choose to keep the baby.  A friend at the time would watch me and one day offered to walk with me.  I didn’t refuse.  It was good to have someone who cared because almost everyone turned against me.  People normally don’t like what they don’t/cant understand.  While he walked me to school my boyfriend at the time was courting other girls.  My friend asked: “Why don’t you get upset at his behavior?”  I responded, if thats what he wants, why should I stand in his way?  He looked at me and smiled.  I’ve never been one to tell someone what to do.  I believe in  allowing people to seek and find.

On March 3, 6:20am I held my baby in arms for the first time!  There is no greater feeling than carrying a child in your womb for 9 months, pushing her out through pain, to receive unconditional love revealed in the end.  My mother accompanied me in the birth room. Her dad did not attend due to a citizenship appointment he was scheduled for.  Do I hold this against him? No.  His citizenship was a priority at the time in his eyes.

Baby In arms

I’m a proud single mom of a 15 year old beauty!  There were times I thought of giving up but I never did! The world may judge me and the choices I’ve made but I’m in love with the woman I am today and no judgement or human can take that away!  I hold my head high and heart clean.  As for my ex, I couldn’t tell you.  My daughter never hears a negative peep from me about her dad.  I leave that up to her.

My baby and I

To all the single moms, dads, parents keep this in mind: “When you become a parent. You become a role model! “Be who you would want your children to be,” unknown.  Allow them to be who they are! What they have to say is important also.  Listen more, talk less and dive into life’s adventure with them! Children are the best teachers of love.

Thanks for reading

Dive In

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