Dedication To Joy

joy-covey

Watching leaves fall, fish swim, picking green peppers, onions and tomatoes from the family garden.  Listening to the trees whistle in the wind, seeing your face in every moment.  I imagine you throwing for your dogs, planning  adventures, traveling with your son, feeding his brain and yours, dinners, BBQ‘s with margarita’s and friends!  You feared nothing, you lived! You were a giant!  There was nothing you didn’t conquer.  Your humility amazed me!  You never bragged about your ventures, riches or status!  You were a woman of honor!  One I had the honor of being in the presence of!

I remember being upset at the times you’d come over unannounced and challenge the shows we watched, how we spent our time or day.  I remember you inviting me on many adventures which I turned down because I didn’t want to be bothered or told what to do!  How selfish of me!  I remember breaking up with an X and you stood firmly and said, “Let this be your last! Your knight will come to you.”  You then smiled and helped to clean after Thanksgiving dinner.  I stood on the shoulder of a giant! You’re shoulders but at the time I was not ready to open my eyes to the wonders ahead.

Joy I am sorry! I’m happy we spent the time we did together!  I know I can not make up for the past but  I promise you one thing.  Your son, my little brother will want for nothing.  I will shower him with love, laughter, adventures, memories of you!  You will remain a memory implanted in his heart forever!  A giant, a mother never forgotten, a mother, friend and family member forever loved!

Joy

We are all promised death

but most never live

When fear takes hold, most give in

You lived

You soared with the birds

You swam with the animals of the sea

You explored the world, from Africa to the Galapagos

There was no territory you feared or didn’t master

You loved your son more than rubies, diamonds or pearls

He was your richness, nothing compared in the world

You loved my mom

You were her best friend

She can’t stop crying, questioning

“Why was her life cut short, gone with the wind?”

I remind her everyday that you lived and what you’d always say:

It takes a village to raise a child!”

She remains strong, holding onto your wish

Until we meet again

watch over us all

Soon we will walk, talk, smile, laugh and drink margaritas in the sky

Love You Joy 

Frustrated Sister

I’m tired, frustrated and annoyed with partners, friends, family, colleagues, etc!  They cant seem to grasp the warm-hearted, demonstrative relationship my sister and I carry for one another!  No need to state names.  Let me explain by breaking our relationship down in 5 areas:

Thebond

  1. The Pack: When my mother’s papers were approved to travel/reside in the United States.  She made a life changing decision. She left us behind!  Her intentions, pure!  While gone, sis and I engaged in extreme discipline, physical, mental and verbal abuse from others.  We survived ! We made a pack to never abandon one another.

  2. Twin Bed, 2 Sisters:  We slept in the same bed together for 16 years. Not as easy as it reads.  We adjusted to each others negatives and positives (snoring, tossing, turning, drooling, late sleeper, early sleeper, heavy sleeper, light sleeper, etc) doing this humbled us to accept not change.

  3.    Twin Clothing, Different Colors:  When mom went shopping.  She bought the same items, in different colors.  If she bought my sister a gift, she’d be sure to have something in hand for me also.  The only time gifts were given to one sibling, on Birthdays.  She knew how to keep the peace. Smart woman!

  4. Love Is God: A great commandment, “Love thy neighbor as yourself.” This reads differently.   To me it states: approach people, situations, life with love!  The return brings positive experiences, relationships, etc.  That’s our motto!  We slip up once in a while but we push forward and keep loving.

  5. Acceptance: My sister excepts my bratty, controlling, intro-extrovert borderline personality, perfectionist, potty mouth characteristic.  I except her flirty, creative, heroic, hot tempered, party animal, characteristics.  The list is exceedingly long!  No matter the negative/positive we accept each other.  If you truly love someone, you will allow them to be who they are!  Not what you’d like them to be!

To be blunt, stop the jealousy!  Stop trying to win us over! Stop whispering in our ears, behind our backs “Your sister is lazy.  She hogs all the attention.  You’re the pretty one! You’re the sexy one!  Your awesome when she’s not around, etc!”  Partners, friends, colleagues! We are not a prize to be conquered!  

Moreover, we are willing to let everyone in! Together or separate!   My sister is who she is and I am who I am!   Years of humility, self love and selflessness taught us to love and embrace, life, people and each other! We’d love to share that with everyone.  So before you say something negative to me about my sister!  Take a look in the mirror and judge yourself! 

Stop Bullying

“I am who I am! You are who you are! We are who we are!”

stopbullying

Walking through a high school hallway I see so many different faces, clothes, bodies.  I also feel multiple vibes; negative, and positive, insecurities, and confidence, also, happiness and sadness.  It is worse than walking up and down Soho in New York City.  It is extremely overwhelming, and sometimes it can be intimidating and scary.  High school is that place where you find out who you are deep inside and what that “inner you” will become in the future.  The human mind stereotypes and judges every little thing that does not coincide with what they think is normal.  Instead of high school it should be called, judge school, or gossip school.  Unfortunately, that is, what it is all about, of course with the exception of you learning everything to get into college.  What’s the big question; why are teenager so MEAN?  Is it insecurities and changes in ourselves that make us go mad?  Or is it just fun to put people down?  I have been trying to figure this out since eighth grade.  I have witnessed people being bullied and tormented and I get a greater sense of fear and insecurity from the bully than the victim.  I have put so many bullies in their place and scorned their strategies.  Most of them stop, and some just do it more.  I want to keep this short and easy I don’t want to be one of those people who go on and on about why bullying is bad.  To each is own and no one should be judged for that!

All I have to say is don’t do it, don’t be that of few people that judges someone and their inner and outer person.  It is wrong and you pick up on why with your own experiences.  Some experiences good and others bad, you might just learn because you become a bully or a unfortunately, a victim.  Everything happens for a reason, and that happening with the reason is a lesson learned for everyone.

“I don’t do that here no do I tolerate it!  Whether friend or foe! Don’t bully, and stop bullying!”

Writer: Yanique Bland

Loving Me

As I wash my face, tears roll down.  I thought washing it would slow them.  Instead I was drowning in them.  My emotions, a ticking time bomb inside me.  My blood, a volcanic rush, heating me from the inside out.  My heart, once caged. Now open and free.  I ask myself. “How do I carry such a load and still believe in me, in love, god, life?  I question: “What makes me beautiful?  What makes me a good friend? What makes me a good partner? What makes me a good mother? The questions went on, and on!

LovingMeTree

Suddenly, It hit me!   I am, “ME.”  No matter how I measure these things in life! Without heartbreak, struggles, sin and death.  The birth of wisdom, striving, taking action, responsibility and loving unconditionally, I would be  null, void!

Fact is, there is no one like “ME.”  I carry something special.  A light within me which cannot be seen or defined!  I am unique!  I am ME!  I will be kind to me! I will not allow life to break me! I will stand up, fight, believe in me!

Life is what I make it.  No matter whose loving me, I will love me!

Thanks for Reading

Comment below, feedback appreciated

The Writing Road

I’ve been blogging for about a month now, I believe.  I enjoy it much, but as I sit in bed.  My mind wanders off in childhood memories.  When I loved to write without fear.  It dawns on me in this moment, I love how elegantly words flow from the heart to tongue, pencil to pad!  I was never much of a technology junky nor was I a savy girl but I’ve grown to apply myself and learn the up-comings, in’s and outs of technology, best I can! Truth is, I want to go back!  Back to when writing consisted of looking outside your window, starring at the leaves on the trees as they turn from green to red, to yellow to brown to cold, frozen, fragile stems on a winter night!  Holding a number 2 pencil or blue ink pen in hand with whatever type of paper I could find! A brown paper bag, old notebook,  a wall or even the middle of my hand!  So, tonight I bring you, writings from the past meeting the present!  The paper I wrote this on, I kid you not, is about 15 years old!  How precious, amazing, heartfelt it is to me!  Even then I was a positive light shinning through darkness to find my way home!  Enjoy~

TheWritingRoad

Be Strong,

Be Wise

Be Humble

Be True

Be Optimistic

Be Real

Be Fearless

Be Honest

Be Open

Live Long

Live Strong

Live On

Be You

Be all you can Be

That’s life

That’s Love

That’s You

Thats Me

I would love feed back!  What were you writing 15 years ago?  Any saved articles, poems, songs, blogs to share?  I would love to read!

#DiveIn & Keep Smiling

A friend and Mirror Lake

TheDriveToday, normal and agenda set!  A friend and I then decided to take a drive up to Mirror Lake!  When life’s stresses call, friends calm the situation while adding fun, scenery and sincere listening to the pot!  Producing a succulent, tasty, flavor filled meal for the soul and heart!  I haven’t seen him or spent time together for a while, due to our selfish ways & aggressive parting, so this meant a lot.   As we drove up the cold, isolated road toward Mirror Lake, we stopped along the way to capture pictures of aspens, pines and snowy mountains! A beautiful site to see!  We talked about life! How we’ve both matured in ways beyond us!  The turmoil, heartache of failed relationships and failed parenting! How they affect our everyday lives and the acceptance we’ve been looking for!  Though we’ve found exceptance and love within ourselves and we keep growing every day.  Its always good to look back, reminisce, laugh, smile, joke, cry, state the what if’s, accept the negative, be realistic and move on.

You see, we both come from abusive backgrounds.  Which kept us tied to isolation, alienation from social events and people for many years!  Not because we choose to but because what others viewed as normal, feels out of place, weird to us!  When a child is traumatized mentally, physically, etc approaching a situation whatever that may be (social, intimate, etc) is never normal!  It’s always awkward!

After chit chatting, laughing, taking in beautiful scenery, my heart revealed how blessed I am, we are!  Blessed to have so many amazing inspiring, beautiful, fun loving people in my life!  A true friend/love no matter the pain, hurt, turmoil which was caused always finds a road back to each other.  Our beautiful hearts unstained and love for each other unconditional.  Cherish, embrace and remember the good times and learn from the bad!  Love your friends, Love yourself!

DIVE IN

Liquid Angel (Red Wine)

A night with JLohr
A night with JLohr

Walking to my car 4:00am mountain time.  The morning dark, streets empty, still, bitter cold and windy.  I constantly look over my shoulder flustered, hung over!  Thoughts of being kidnapped, raped, beaten, roams my mind.  My car is 500 feet away.  In the car, I reminisce.

We’re both on vigorous marketing, blogging, single parent hours but tonight we found time to relax and catch up.  I love this guy!  But, dating is not an option.   Instead we laugh, drink, reminisce and tell all.  The night great, filled with awesome! 2 friends chit chatting about projects, life.  We’re drinking beer, wine, eating chicken fettucini alfredo, while going through pictures of his beautiful Alaska getaway.  My appetite now intrigued for a taste of Alaska.  It’s beautiful! The glaciers, city and bar sights.

After climaxing in conversation and laughs.  We hit our tired peak!  I wondered: “Did I actually drink 1/2 a bottle of JLohr red wine?” Normally I’m a slow paced granny drinker, but whenever he’s around.  I pound it like a marathon runner! Stride after stride, sip after sip until the finish line, an empty bottle.

As we lay in the bed, I feel the itch to cuddle.  I fight the urge, bite my tongue. Unfortunately “liquid angel,” red wine says: “I want to cuddle.” He replies, ” This side feels good right now, but in the middle of the night, I may roll over.  You can cuddle me if you’d like.”  I state, “A man is suppose to initiate the cuddle.  I dont want to seem over agressive.  This is why I shouldnt drink.”  He replies “What?”  I said, “I shouldnt drink!  It’s easier to detach emotions.”  In that moment I fell into a cement sleep state. My body sunk into the bed like a ton of bricks!  At about 3:45am my alram goes off! My head spinning, I gather my things, head for the door.

It was short, sweet, awesome, fun! I appreciate every, smile, laugh, touch and drink.  The moments we share, invigorating, filled with passion.  That’s what friends are for.

Stay Tuned~Dive In